I never knew where I stood when it came to my interest in writing. I would describe it as a love-hate relationship as I never really enjoyed or hated it. Ever since I was a little kid in middle school, I was always placed in those ESL (English Second Language) classes because as a child whose second language was English, they had assumed I needed the extra help in English/writing. Although I would not say I was completely bad at English, it was more so the doubt and discouragement that I had for my English skills in which made me perform not my best in English classes.
Growing up in an Asian immigrant household where I would come home to hearing more than one language being spoken to, it was hard for me to adjust the way I speak towards everyone around me. Additionally, I was always taught by my family to stay silent and learn how to conceal our emotions as was normal in our culture. This not only impacted the way I write but the way I would continuously have doubts about my writing. Yet, on the other hand, writing was one way I was able to express and voice my thoughts and opinions. I remember the first time I felt ashamed of my English skills was when I was taking my first English midterm exam in middle school. It was made clear to me by my teachers, classmates, and family of how important it is for me to do well on this exam. By the end of that exam, I was left feeling so frustrated and angry with myself because I did not believe I did well enough. That was the beginning of where my love hate relationship with writing started.
Eventually, I have had my fair share of essays and writing assignments during my time in high school. The first time I was extremely proud of my writing skills was on this one day in my sophomore year of high school. My English teacher, Ms. Riolo, have decided for us to work as a group in writing a literary analysis essay. There were four of us in my group and each one of us had to complete a paragraph each based on the sequence we were going by. My group task was to complete the main body of the essay which included the literary device and its evidence. Knowing that I had a big responsibility in this group work, I wanted to write the best that I could. Over the span of a couple of days, I wrote whatever came to mind and had numerous drafts. Using the advantage of the internet, I took extensive time researching on the article we were given and found ways to make my sentence structure and wording more elaborate and clearer. Through this, I was able to learn a lot about writing and my capabilities. I recalled my teacher, Ms. Riolo, reading our group essay aloud and pointing out how great our essay was. For the first time, I felt significantly proud of my work and realized that everyone can write well. I learned to stop implementing the “perfectionist” mindset into everything I write and just embrace my unique writing style. What I have learned is that when an individual’s thoughts and style of writing is evident in their work, that is when they truly stand out.

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